"I have a plan for you"...God

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)

It was about 19h00 one Sunday afternoon in February 2009 as I was speeding in my 2005 Renault Megane with a million thoughts running through my head. My nephew was next to me in the passenger seat, my first-born son and my niece were in the back comforting my last born who was strapped to the baby seat in the middle. I could sense fear in their actions as they saw my ex's car closing in to us on the highway. As he came closer, I noticed that he was shirtless, and I could hear him shouting abusive words towards me. This was the first time I saw him in 4 days, the first time I heard him speak to me in weeks. He left our home on the Thursday prior, switched off his phones, only to call me and instruct me to come home immediately that Sunday afternoon.

The anger in his voice, led me to hastily end the visit at my parents, grab the kids and rush home. "I had no idea what the next steps were going to be, all I know is that God was already there waiting for me." He closed in on us on the highway, and as I obediently followed him, I couldn’t help but wonder how this would end. At home, my nephew opened the gate and as I stepped out of the sedan, I felt a sudden blow to the right side of my head that felt like a 10kg bag of cement. As I turned my face in the direction of the blow, I recognized his clenched fist moving towards my right temple. In-between blows, I tried to reason with him, but all I could see was the intense anger and disgust in his eyes. As I stood there trapped and helpless, my thoughts wondered to the children who were the horrified spectators of my domestic abuse scene. I don’t know if I was screaming, but the blows stopped, and as he turned his back to me and walked away, I grabbed my children and left the yard.

Once all of us were outside the gate, I locked it. I was then able to call my older sister, who called the police, my parents and my older brother who lived about 40 mins from our house. The police came, took us in the house, asked a few questions and left. Apparently, there was not enough evidence of abuse. In fear, I packed a few things for the kids and we went to stay with my big brother. While at my brother, I would see my ex’s car parked in a distance, watching, every day.

About 3 months later, I took a full-time job as a project manager in another country. By that time, my ex had apologized a million time and tried to make amends. I still moved countries, left the kids with my parents, rented an apartment and started work. I traveled regularly to visit the children and manage their school activities. One night in my new apartment, I got home around 19h00 exhausted from the day’s activities, traffic and work, I went straight to my bed, still with my shoes on, my phone and car keys in my right hand. I wanted to take a quick rest before following the usual evening routine, TV, dinner etc. I however fell into a deep sleep. I woke up suddenly because I had a feeling someone was in my room. As I cleared my eyes and looked around the room, I saw a young light-skinned girl with light brown hair, a light blue t-shirt and darker blue athletic shorts. She looked like someone I knew, so I was not afraid of her, but at the same time she looked distant. I was not sure if I was dreaming or if I was awake, so while still laying on my back, I prayed to God for strength and courage. I also asked God to help me confront this person and give me victory over her. After my prayer, I filled myself with courage, stood up from the bed and walked straight into the young girl. As I got closer to her, she disappeared. When that happened, I was angry at myself for being afraid, but I was joyful that it seemed to be just a dream. The next day, I arrived home around the same time. Exhausted I repeated the actions of the previous night. Once again, I laid down fully clothed, on my back, shoes on, keys and phone in my right hand. I fell into a deep sleep once again. Once again, I had a feeling that someone was in my room and as I woke up, to my surprise, it was not a girl anymore, but my ex. He was sitting on the side of the bed, no shirt on, arms crossed and leaning in towards me while watching me sleep. In shock, I opened and closed my eyes and prayed to God.

I asked God to guide me as He did the previous night. In my heart, I had peace, because I felt like I had overcome this already. So, I opened my eyes and with a peaceful voice, I greeted him and asked him about his trip. My plan was to engage him in conversation to keep him distracted, while I strengthened myself and calmly got up from the bed holding on to the phone and the keys that were in my right hand. Trust God always. God is always present, and He always speaks to us even when we are not listening. Trust God even though we don’t have the whole plan mapped out. Just take the next step. As soon as I was able to reach the front door, I left the apartment and positioned myself in a space where the landlord could see and hear me. At that time, I dialed my older sister as well as my niece to inform them about the state of affairs. Soon after, my parents and my brother in law were blowing up my ex’s phone. I remember my mom telling me that she called to threaten him.

Kudos mom! I spent the entire night awake on the stairs in front of my apartment watching him. To ensure my safety, my family advised me to stay alert and ensure to take him to the airport for the first flight out. They made arrangements for him to travel and also helped me understand that if I let him out of my sight, I would never be sure if he left the country and I would not be safe. Sitting on the stairs, counting minutes and watching the night turn to morning, I realized that this was the end of a journey for me. I realized that my long-term relationship was over and that my life had changed forever. I started acknowledging God and his hand in my life everyday. I had no idea what the next steps were going to be, all I know is that God was already there waiting for me. I’m slowly finding myself again through the word of God and as I heal, I am helping my children heal as well. I can say with conviction, Jesus has restored me. I can’t live without God anymore.

Some of the lessons I learnt:

We should never underestimate the unconditional love our parents. When my father told me that my happiness was more precious than my relationship status, I felt great relief. When my relationship was falling apart, I kept quiet and did not want to admit that it failed. However, the relationship failed, but I didn't fail and that’s okay.

Forgive and let go. I used to loathe my ex for what he did and how he used to treat me, especially because he did that in front of the children. It made me feel worthless. However, my worth is in God for he knitted me together beautifully. I forgave my ex and I asked my family to do the same. My prayer is for God to turn his life around, so he can be a miracle to someone else.

Have a relationship with God first before having any other. Know scripture before committing yourself to anything. Let God bring the right people to you at the right time. Don’t date because you feel lonely or because of aging or for any kind of social media status. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent, and do the first works Revelations 2:5 NKJV).

Work on your dreams and aspirations all the time, even if you seem slow. Don’t lose sight of who you are and why you are here.